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<h2>The importance of a safe space</h2>
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<p>The world isn't ideal, in fact, it's the opposite: messy, grey, and well, messy. So its ever more important to have a safe space where you can go and be sure you'll be okay.</p>
<p>There are many ways in which you can build a safe space but the tenets are the same regardless:</p>
<ul>
<li>Moderated to the standards you need</li>
<li>A shared understanding of what you all need</li>
<li>Judgment is left at the door</li>
</ul>
<p>These are basically three ways of saying the same thing but they're worth calling out individually.</p>
<h3>Moderation</h3>
<p>The most important part of any safe space is moderation. As a marginalized person, it can be hard to stand up for yourself. A moderator is there to fight so you don't have to. In a friend group this is usually just an elder in the community or someone other than yourself, and sometimes it's you when its someone else who needs some protection. But online finding a place that is moderated to your needs is vital.</p>
<p>This is ever shown in social media. The reddit trans groups focused hard in heavy moderation to protect users against random troll attacks and bigotry. But reddit as a platform does not provide enough tools to protect users so its mostly reactionary. In the fediverse there are actually many great tools for securing folks from these voices and this is where your author has found her safe space. It's not perfect either - both places require active mindfulness of staying within your borders. But when you do you're able to engage with others and enjoy yourself without fear.</p>
<h3>Shared Understanding</h3>
<p>Moderation is made easier if we only open the gates to those who are also looking for the same protections. This one is much more clear - if we all agree to the terms up front and are seeking the same thing - a chance of an incident is much lower. This doesn't need to be 1:1. I can be in the fediverse because outside, in the human realm, I am alone and I just need to socialize (more on this later) but others may need this space because they're in an actively hostile environment. But what we agree on is that "this is a safe space for us. We'll treat each other with respect and follow the rules set before us".</p>
<h3>Judgment is left at the door</h3>
<p>This is the hardest thing for everyone. It's all too easy to let things overwhelm us and judgments to fly. We lost a big community in the fediverse when mastodon.lol blew up. It shows that nothing is safe. But if we approach the safe space in a way where we do take pause and ensure everything's alright before reaction we can make sure that no one feels pressured to "keep in line". But judgment doesn't mean "you're cool so we'll look past what you said". It means that we try to see the best in people. But if you're breaking the rules then you're out.</p>
<p>This is vital to keep the place safe - but actively goes against human nature. The key to judgment is left at the door is to be respectful at all times. This may sound like making a place artificially safe - but that's only if you're coming in with the intentions of saying things the people you've surrounded yourself with won't like. And most of the time that's probably something that shouldn't be said or means this isn't the place for you.</p>
<aside>
<p>I would love a better way to frame this sentiment as its not the most clear.</p>
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<h3>Why is it so important?</h3>
<p>Socialization is vital to the human experience. I firmly believe, as a species, its innate in us. It's likely innate in all life to socialize. I've seen in myself how my mental health has improved since I started socializing again and how some friends around me struggle because they don't have a lot of friends and their circle is small. A small circle is not a bad thing though. A safe space can literally be a group text with you and your best friend. It doesn't need to be some public community.</p>
<h3>Everywhere isn't safe</h3>
<p>The last thing I'll say here is that no where is truly safe and not all communities are safe. The fediverse, as previously stated, is only safe until someone breaks. Reddit is only safe when its not under attack. Your tiny friend chat group is only safe until someone posts a stupid hot take.</p>
<p>It's important to recognize the difference between "small" and "safe". Gemini isn't a safe space. It's just a small space. Your patreon discord group isn't safe it's just small. Now it can be made safe. A discord I was in posted a heartbreaking mod message creating a code of conduct with some strict "one strike and you're out" policies because someone decided to break the understanding that we keep things focused and respectful.</p>
<p>Because nowhere is safe - if you can have a few different circles you have a place to go if one blows up you can ensure you have somewhere to go while things resettle or get resolved. That community has been good since then and the user who blew up apologized and has been respectful ever since (they got a spare strike since the policy existed only after the incident and when money is involved its probably safe to give someone a second chance - I don't necessarily agree but it wasn't anything too bad - just breaking the previously unsaid social agreement).</p>
<p>This wasn't an ad for trans fediverse communities, It's an ad for prioritizing your mental health and ensuring when things get hard you have a place to go where you can express your feelings and find a shoulder. I am fortunate to have a partner I can turn to and a small friend group that at least tries to understand me. I need to find a offline friend group of trans and queer people I can turn to when the internet internets. But the fediverse has been very beneficial to me as a trans person online.</p>
<p>Those three tenets should help keep incidents to a minimum. But you are the most important moderator. It's okay to take your ball and go home if the alternative is having someone peg you with the ball every time you show up.</p>
<p>Stay safe.</p>
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